Athens City Academy of the Performing Bards – Director: Jace Alexander/Writers: Steven L. Sears, R.J. Stewart
This one starts with a clip of Xena fighting Mezentius’s men in The Path Not Taken. The action grinds to a halt and we see Gabi is telling the story in a tavern. A drunk questions some details, so she shifts into The Reckoning, telling how Xena was accused and acquitted of murder. The tavern patrons are impressed, especially a young guy who asks if Gabi is
going to the big bard competition in Athens to win a place at the Bard’s Academy. Gabi hasn’t even heard about the competition, but the guy’s father (Polonius) whisks him away, telling Gabi no one will want to hear stories about housework. That pisses her off and when Xena comes in to tell her about a cyclops terrorizing some farmers, Gabi asks how far it is to Athens.
Gabi feels guilty about leaving Xena, but Xena says she should follow her 
dream. Xena mentions a story she heard as a kid about two orphans who searched the world for their families before realizing they’d become each other’s family; Gabi knows the story too and Xena thanks her for being like family and wishes her well. At the Academy, Gabi runs into the guy from the tavern again, who she christens Orion after he tells her he hates his real name. He introduces her to some of the competition: Twickenham (who stutters); Euripides (who speaks in glorious purple prose); and Stallonus (who’s obsessed with action, his name 
being an obvious pun on Sylvester Stallone). Gabi tells the story of Xena’s final fight with Draco from Sins of the Past, which impresses everyone. She fakes her way into the competition by slipping her falsified entry into the pile during the registration and dorm assignments. (She ends up assigned to the servants’ quarters.) In class the next day, Gabi notices a shifty-looking dude in the back of the room (apparently hanging out with Xena has made her more observant of potential trouble). The guy ends up stabbing the teacher (Docenius) and jumping out the window.
Turns out Docenius is fine, he was just illustrating a storytelling principle. 
Gabi says his “death” was a cheat since there was no moral to it. She tells about Celesta’s capture and Talus’s death from Death in Chains, which impresses the whole class. Later in Gabi’s room, Stallonus tells a typical action story (illustrated by old Steve Reeves Hercules clips) and when Gabi starts talking about Xena, Euripides tells how Xena seduced Iolaus to turn him against Hercules (in the Hercules episode Warrior Princess). Stallonus tells another story about Xena wasting people like crazy (from the Hercules
episode The Gauntlet), but Gabi counters it by telling how Xena saved the baby and was pounded by her own men when she wanted to leave the warlord life behind (also from The Gauntlet). The next day, Gabi tries to help Orion get his storytelling knack back, something he lost because his father has been pushing him to win at all costs. They’re interrupted when Gabi finds out she’s been kicked out of the competition.
Polonius told the judges that Gabi faked her way in, so they’re kicking her 
out, which bothers her new friends (especially Orion, since his father is responsible). Gabi says she’s fine with leaving and tells how she met Iolaus and had to say goodbye to him in Prometheus. Twickenham comes up with an idea and they urge Gabi to stick around to watch them compete tomorrow. At the competition, Orion and the other three aspiring bards refuse to compete if Gabi isn’t reinstated. The guest judge (Gastacius) says he wants to hear what Gabi can do, so she tells
the story of rescuing the baby in Cradle of Hope. Gastacius is blown away and says Gabi has to be allowed to compete because Art is more important than rules. Polonius isn’t happy about that and channels his anger into being the Ultimate Stage Dad, picking at Orion’s performance until gets mad and leaves. Later, Polonius drops by Gabi’s room to tell her Orion quit the competition.
Gabi tracks Orion down and convinces him to return, telling him to do 
things his way and not worry what his father thinks. She tells him the journey is more important than the destination and winning won’t mean anything if he doesn’t enjoy the process of getting there. At the competition, Gabi tells about her adventures with Xena (with clips from Sins of the Past, Chariots of War, and Dreamworker) and blows the judges away. Orion tells about Spartacus (with clips from the movie), which impresses the hell out of everyone … including his father. The
next day, Gabi and Orion say goodbye and we find out his real name is Homer, of Iliad and Odyssey fame. Gabi reunites with Xena on the road, telling her she won the competition but decided she’d rather be out having adventures than sitting around telling about them. When they’re beset by bandits, Gabi’s first thought is what a great story it’ll make.
This is the first clip show (which will become an annual tradition) and overall it’s pretty good. I placed it at #103 on my all-time list but it’s actually not bad at all, so it’ll probably move up when I re-evaluate the list after I finish all the reviews. The creators of Xena used the clip shows to save time and money (and give the actors a break), but unlike most series, they actually put a lot into these clip shows, so I’m not sure if they really saved any money or not. Lucy was away in the United States doing press tours when this was filmed, so Renee gets to carry the load and does a great job.
I’m still not sure if Gabi was telling Xena the truth about winning the competition and I know there are other fans who are unsure about that too. When Gabi’s leaving the Academy, Orion says “I wish you were gonna stay.”
and Gabi replies “It wasn’t meant to be.” There are several ways to interpret that: she might’ve won and decided to leave (like she tells Xena later); she might’ve won and been barred from the Academy because she cheated to get into the competition; or she might’ve lost and lied to Xena later. The first time I saw this episode, my instinct was that Gabi was bullshitting Xena about winning, but now I’m not sure; it could fit either way.
Ultimately, I don’t think it matters whether Gabi won or not, because I don’t think she ever had any intention of staying. Before leaving for Athens, she tells Xena (very casually) that she’d only be gone for four or five years, which seems out of character for Gabi; she wanted to travel with Xena so much that she ran away from home and followed Xena through the 
countryside, so why would she be so willing to walk away now? I think Gabi wanted to check out the competition to see how far she could get (and maybe shove Polonius’s sexist words down his throat), but always intended to come back no matter what happened. That would explain why she wasn’t more upset when Polonius almost got her kicked out. Her casual attitude when she left Xena might’ve been an attempt to elicit an emotional reaction from Xena, who’s usually so stoic. But Xena surprised her by encouraging her to follow her dreams, even at the cost of losing her. I think that’s why Gabi was almost crying when they said goodbye … she hadn’t expected Xena to be so selfless as to put Gabi’s desires ahead of her own. So it doesn’t much matter if Gabi won or not, I think she was always going back to her life of adventure with Xena.
Noticeable Things:
- This episode aired right after the end of the Trojan War in Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts (though I think it was filmed first), but in real life Homer lived about 450 years (give or take) after the War—assuming the Trojan War actually happened and Homer was a real person. I believe Xena is meant to take place in a parallel world, with a different timeline, so Homer existing while the Trojan War was still happening is possible.
- Homer is sometimes called the “blind poet”, which most people take literally. But here, he gains that appellation because he closes his eyes
when he recites his stories. There’s also been speculation that Homer might’ve been a woman, which might’ve made for an interesting story here. But it might’ve diluted the impact of Gabi being the only woman in the competition, so probably better that Homer be a dude. - At the tavern in the beginning of the episode, we see people giving Gabi money after hearing her story, which answers the question a lot
of fans have about how she and Xena pay their way while adventuring. - When Gabi is enthralling people with her stories in her room, we see a few girls in attendance. It’s possible they’re just regular fans, but I prefer to think that the guys weren’t the only ones crushing on Gabi … a few girls were into her too.
Favourite Quotes:
- “Even if I had an army around me, I’d still notice you were missing.” Xena letting Gabi know how important she is (and rather eerily foreshadowing The Deliverer, where Xena doesn’t notice Gabi’s missing until it’s too late).
- “It’s just, when I tell a story I like it to have a nice ending … you know, sap up the wrap-up.” Gabi’s advice to Stallonus on his testosterone-fueled stories.
- “The family he had sought had traveled the world with him. The only
family he had ever known, ever needed, was standing right beside him.” Gabi and Xena bonding over a shared story and admitting how close they’ve gotten. - “This is the story of two friends. They met each other in the hardest of times. They learned how to care for each other. They became a great team. They had adventures. Some adventures ended better than others. And together, they learned life’s mysteries.” Gabi’s competition story, which moved all the judges; Renee’s reading is pretty good …she’s great with a voice-over, she always puts so much emotion into it.
