Superman #411 – “The Last Earth-Prime Story” – Elliot S! Maggin/Curt Swan/Murphy Anderson
This is a special story that was created for Julius Schwartz’s 70th birthday. Julie was the longtime editor of the Superman line and apparently the creators (along with some help from Dick Giordano, Paul Levitz, and Bob Rozakis) managed to put this issue together without Julie finding out about it until the last minute. The story itself is kind of weird; it starts with the Earth-1 version of Julie Schwartz, who used to be a famous in the sci-fi community but fell on hard times and is now a Bowery bum. (In real life, Schwartz actually was an agent to various SF writers in the Golden Age and was friends with guys like Ray
Bradbury and Frederik Pohl.) Anyway, Schwartz jumps off a building and is saved by Superman (telling the Man of Steel he needs to work on his dialogue), gets kidnapped by a cyborg named Olaf who wants Schwartz to tell him how to make a hydrogen bomb, and is rescued by Superman. But Schwartz tells Superman he’s dying and asks to be taken to Earth-Prime (which is supposed to be our Earth, the real world). At DC Comics, the real Julie Schwartz is enjoying his 70th birthday party surrounded by a who’s who of comics talent (most of whom I don’t recognize because I’m terrible with faces). Turns out the Earth-1 Julie is the real Julie’s imagination, so when they meet, the Earth-1 Julie is absorbed into his real life counterpart. Superman 
heads home (after telling an astonished Curt Swan to keep up the good work) and Julie Schwartz has his imagination back. I’m not sure what to make of this story; it’s obviously just meant to be a goofy tribute to a guy who was a fixture at DC for decades, but considering the accusations of sexual harassment that surfaced about Julie after his death, it’s hard to see him as the lovable guy depicted here. And the whole thing about the Earth-1 Schwartz being a Bowery bum is a bit strange since Siegel and Shuster (the creators of Superman) were practically destitute at this point because DC refused to pay them any royalties. The whole thing just rings a bit hollow in hindsight. Next issue will continue the “Luthor gets Clark Kent fired” story started last ish.
Action #571 – “Mission to Earth” – Elliot S! Maggin/Alex Saviuk/Dave Hunt
This is another strange story about a biochemist named Alice Herman who invents (or discovers) living protoplasm and a robotic alien named Thresher-222 who invents a bio-regenerative formula that will allow machines (like his robotic race) to repair themselves. Alice Herman’s discovery runs wild like the Blob and Superman has to freeze it and take it to the Arctic for study. Alice misses out on the Nobel prize and gets pissed off enough to fly to Stockholm and complain. Meanwhile, Thresher (who has been shut up in his lab) finds out his planet’s sun is going nova and all his people are in danger of dying. Thresher is immune to the solar radiation because of his exposure to the
bio-regenerative, so he leaves the planet to find enough raw materials to make more. He lands on Earth but ends up with very selective amnesia, not remembering who he is or why he’s there. He runs into Superman, who’s willing to help but needs Thresher to take his place as Clark Kent for an interview with some asshole politician. The politician’s bullshit gets to Thresher’s logic circuits and his head literally explodes (which is why I don’t pay attention to politicians), freaking everyone out. Superman swoops in to assure everyone that this is just an android, not the real Clark Kent and takes off to repair 
Thresher at his Fortress. In Sweden, Dr. Herman has been making strides with her protoplasm, injecting it into a dog to make the dog talk (and recite the Gettysburg Address!), then using the same formula to force the Nobel Prize committee to give her a special award. Somehow, seeing news of that brings back Thresher’s memory and he tells Superman he needs a special molybdenum compound to save his planet. Naturally Dr. Herman’s protoplasm goop contains the molybdenum, so they head to Sweden. Dr. Herman sees them coming and uses her formula to start people rioting while she boards a plane. Superman stops the riot and the plane, and Thresher grabs the formula. Dr. Herman is sent to prison and Superman enlists Thresher to save his secret identity by pretending to be a rudimentary android built by Superman that Clark substituted for himself
as a joke. Everyone buys it and Thresher heads home with the molybdenum formula to save his planet. Superman goes to visit Alice Herman in prison and tells her that he had two friends (Batman and Luthor) who suffered huge disappointments, but the way they reacted to those disappointments set them on two very different paths. Alice realizes what Superman is saying, but doesn’t seem too bothered about which path to choose, saying only the future will tell. It seems like maybe they were trying to set Alice up as another Luthor-type villain (which would’ve been cool), but I don’t think she ever appeared again.
DC Comics Presents #85 – “The Jungle Line” – Alan Moore/Rick Veitch/Al Williamson
This one starts with Superman driving south in a battered car, but this isn’t the Superman we’re familiar with … he’s unshaven, sweating, no longer invulnerable, and half out of his mind. And he’s heading south to die. A series of flashbacks show how he got to this state: as Clark Kent he was present at the unveiling of a meteorite that had a small patch of fungus on it, fungus that had somehow survived the rigors of space for years. Unfortunately, the fungus (called Blood Morel) was from Krypton and was fatal to Kryptonians once it got inside their bodies. Superman started losing his powers intermittently and realized he’d been infected, which was confirmed when he started hallucinating. After
examining the meteorite for a possible cure and finding none, Superman decided he wanted to die alone instead of burdening his friends. So he heads south (since there are apparently no superhumans in the Deep South) and ends up crashing the car and wandering into a swamp in a state of delirium, believing he’s back on Krypton. But this isn’t just any old swamp—it’s Swamp Thing’s domain and Swampy soon recognizes Superman Swamp Thing makes contact with the fungus on the meteorite (which Superman brought along) and knows it’s not from Earth. Superman wakes up but the demons in his head compel him to attack Swamp Thing and start blasting 
the swamp all to hell. Swamp Thing uses the fungus on the rock and in Superman’s blood to make contact with the crazed Man of Steel. Superman’s almost too far gone, but Swamp Thing convinces him that fighting is just accelerating the disease and uses the Green to calm Superman and cool his fevered rage. After a tense night, the toxins are purged from Superman’s body and Swamp Thing leaves him to recover. Superman wakes up with all his powers intact and wonders how he survived, never suspecting he had help from Swamp Thing.
All-Star Squadron #49 – “Death-Sword at Sunrise” – Roy Thomas/Mike Harris/Vince Colletta, Tony DeZuniga
Last issue, Dr. Fate, Firebrand, Hourman, and Robotman went to England at Churchill’s request to investigate some strange phenomena around the ancient ruins of Camelot. Along with Blackhawk, Hourman was blasted from the sky and the other three found themselves captured by Wotan and his enthralled pawn, the Shining Knight. Wotan orders Shining Knight to kill the All-Stars (which Shining Knight resists, since they’re unarmed) and Dr. Fate tries to talk some sense into Sir Justin. But Shining Knight believes Wotan is his liege lord King Arthur, so he attacks and knocks Fate out with a blow from his mystic sword. Wotan halts
the execution and orders Shining Knight to confine the All-Stars in a device that drains their powers. When they wake up, Wotan explains how he came to be here: after fighting Dr. Fate alongside Ian Karkull (in a 1941 issue of More Fun Comics), Wotan was banished to limbo. He managed to pull himself out by latching onto a place with great mystical power … Camelot. He decided to rebuild Camelot using robotic knights he conjured up but used magic to disguise it so nobody would know … except Shining Knight, who spent time in ancient Camelot. One other magical adept detected Wotan’s chicanery … Dr. Occult, the ghost detective who appeared in some pre-Superman DC comics in the 
30s. But Wotan captured Occult quite easily and now he’s a prisoner too. Wotan has allied himself with Hitler because he likes Der Fuhrer’s style and thinks he has a good chance of winning the War. Hitler wants Wotan to distract the British so they don’t interfere with Hitler’s plans to attack Russia in the spring. Wotan is going to send Sir Justin with his robotic knights to attack the British on their own ground, figuring that being attacked by Arthurian knights will demoralize them so much they’ll have no heart left for fighting. (Wotan references the Angel of Mons incident from World War I, which actually came from an Arthur Machen story, to prove how superstitious the British are.) Some British soldiers approach the castle and Wotan sends his robots out to slaughter them. While the robots are wasting the soldiers, Hourman rises from the wreckage of Blackhawk’s plane to save one of the
troops (thanks to the super-strength granted by one of his Miraclo pills). He drags Blackhawk to safety, but they’re soon surrounded by more robots. From the castle, Wotan looks on and orders Shining Knight to go out and kill Hourman and Blackhawk. But Sir Justin is starting to come to his senses after seeing the British soldiers fighting bravely and when Hourman brandishes the Union Jack to give the soldiers something to rally around, Wotan’s hold on Sir Justin is broken. Shining Knight pounds Wotan and frees the All-Stars and Dr. Occult. They go to help Hourman and Blackhawk, but Hourman ends up popping another Miraclo pill when the first one runs out and the strain is too much for his system. Hourman keels over and Dr. Fate has to fly him to the nearest hospital at top speed.
Infinity Inc. #18 – “Helix Goes to Hollywood” – Roy Thomas/Todd McFarlane/Pablo Marcos
This one continues from last issue with Helix (minus Tao Jones, who’s back in Bakersfield watching the captive Silver Scarab and Fury) wrecking a boutique on Rodeo Drive and blowing up some cop cars before setting their destructive sights on Hollywood. Out in Bakersfield, Silver Scarab is ready to scream … not because he’s tied up just beyond reach of his solar armour, but because Tao Jones is watching soap operas incessantly. Fury doesn’t mind the soaps, but is pissed off she can’t seem to break the chains Arak conjured up, even with her Amazon strength. Tao decides to regale her captive audience with
Helix’s origin story, which is pretty standard as far as comic books go: a weird doctor (Dr. Love) performed experiments on six pregnant women, injecting them with a drug that would affect their unborn children. But when the kids were born, Love realized they were even more abnormal than he’d expected, so he took them all from the hospital, brought them to Bakersfield, and raised them himself, cut off from the rest of humanity. A few weeks ago, Love died so now Helix needs money to live on, which is why they kidnapped Fury and Silver Scarab. Tao also says Helix are pissed off about being turned into freaks and want revenge … and they don’t particularly care who they take out their 
anger on. The rest of Infinity Inc are out looking for their missing teammates, except Obsidian who’s waiting back at Scarab and Fury’s place. He gets a call from the cops about Arak wrecking a Rolls Royce dealership in Beverly Hills and heads over there after alerting the others. Obsidian arrives just in time to see Arak leaving, so he follows in shadow form, trailing the Wind Walker out to Bakersfield. Tao Jones detects his presence and a big fight starts, with Tao turning Obsidian’s soul-searching power back against him. Silver Scarab manages to reach his gauntlet and blast Tao with a solar ray, while Fury flexes and busts them out of their chains. Before things can be resolved, Arak flies Tao out of the house and toward Los Angeles. The Infinity trio are hot for some
payback, but they’re interrupted when Harbinger (the Monitor’s herald from Crisis on Infinite Earths) shows up to recruit Obsidian. In L.A., the rest of the Infinitors are fighting Helix and starting to make some headway until Jade accidentally gets hit with Mr. Bones’ cyanide touch while he’s fighting Nuklon. (This isn’t the last time Bones will accidentally hit an Infinitor with his deadly touch.) Arak and Tao show up and spirit their teammates away, leaving the Infinitors to gather around Jade, wondering if Bones’ touch has killed her. We’ll find out next issue.
Noticeable Things:
- There’s Beverly Hills Cop joke (delivered by Eddie Murphy … or
maybe Axel Foley) when Helix blows up the police cars. - The ongoing subplot about Rose and Thorn continues here. We get a quick glimpse of Rose Canton on the phone with Obsidian, but it looks like Thorn is taking over more, only allowing Rose out when necessary. The Infinitors still don’t know about Rose’s dual identity, but Harlequin (who we saw interrupt the press conference in issue 12) drops by to warn Thorn to leave the Infinitors alone … especially Jade and Obsidian.
