Xena Reviews: Season 3, Episode 3

Dirty Half Dozen – Director: Rick Jacobson/Writer: Steven L. Sears

This one starts with a new warlord named Agathon taking out a bunch of Athenian troops with weapons that can cut through their armour like butter, and armour that conventional weapons can’t pierce. Turns out Agathon is a protégé of Ares, who gave him the indestructible weapons and armour. Elsewhere, Xena and Gabi rescue a guy named Walsam, who’s about to be executed. Walsam wonders why Xena helped him and she says she needs his help to fight Ares.

Xena breaks three more criminals (Darnell, Monlik, and Glaphyra) out of prison to help her fight Ares and Agathon. All of them were trained by Xena back in her warlord days: Walsam’s an assassin who hung out with Thersites for a while; Darnell was a gladiator; Monlik was a thief (who taught Autolycus a few things); and Glaphyra was a slaver (specializing in men, which Gabi finds interesting). Xena shows them a decimated village, full of dead Athenian infantry. Agathon’s men attack, using the indestructible metal and they soon realize their weapons are useless against it. Xena breaks her sword, Walsam gets a few arrows into gaps in the armour, and Monlik hides. Gabi actually comes off best (and impresses Darnell), her staff being more effective than any bladed weapon against the new metal armour. They fight the attackers off and Xena tells them Ares has stolen the secret of Hephaestus Metal and given it to Agathon … and it’s up to them to stop his army before he takes over the world. In Agathon’s castle, he’s eager to start conquering and Ares is impressed, but warns him not to get ahead of himself, comparing him to Xena. Agathon says he’s going to kill Xena (with a fancy new throwing weapon made of Hephaestus Metal) and makes Ares promise not to interfere.

Xena and her crew make camp and things are a bit strained. Gabi asks Xena about her influence on the four criminals and wonders about how Xena has influenced her. Gabi asks if she’d have turned bad if Xena had known her years ago and Xena doesn’t know how to answer. When they get back to camp, the four criminals are facing each other down, ready to waste each other if anyone makes a wrong move. Xena takes an offhand suggestion from Gabi and stokes their paranoia about each other, leaving them to their stand-off all night, which lets Xena and Gabi get some sleep. In the morning, things are still tense, with Darnell insulting Gabi (suggesting she’s Xena’s sex toy), which pisses Glaphyra off. Xena sends Darnell and Glaphyra for supplies, Walsam and Monlik to map the castle, while she goes to see King Gregor about sending his army out which will draw Agathon’s men out of his castle. Darnell and Glaphyra get into an argument over sexism (which both are guilty of) and Glaphyra uses her feminine wiles to distract Darnell and slam an apple in his face. When Monlik and Walsam return, Monlik refuses to give Xena the castle layout, saying she can’t do anything without his info.

Monlik wants money, but Xena says his freedom (and a second chance to live a good life) are his only rewards. He attacks her and she kills him, which kinda puts a crimp in her plans, since he carried the layout of the castle in his head. Xena isn’t surprised Monlik betrayed her, but wishes the others had jumped in, either with her or with Monlik, just to prove they could act as a team. She kinda gets her wish late that night, when the three criminals sneak off to talk. Walsam says he has a plan to betray Xena, but before he can tell the others, she shows up. Darnell and Glaphyra lie, saying they were just discussing the assault on the castle tomorrow. Ares shows up later to warn her about Agathon (and lets her know Agathon’s men won’t be coming out of the castle to fight Gregor’s army), telling her he’s promised not to interfere if Agathon kills her. In camp, we see someone drag Darnell out into the woods. The next day, they assault the castle with fire bombs and Xena gets inside by climbing the walls, using Glaphyra’s daggers as handholds. But she ends up trapped (and loses her chakram) because Darnell and Walsam sold her out to Agathon.

Xena, Gabi, and Glaphyra are thrown in a cage and Glaphyra pisses Gabi off with her unreasoning hatred of men. Gabi mentions Perdicus and even goes after Glaphyra when she makes light of him. Xena explains that Perdicus was killed by a woman and that Glaphyra needs to stop blaming men for all her problems and look inside herself. She says Gabi has been through a lot but hasn’t given in to hatred and that people like them can learn a lot from her. Xena speculates that she might’ve been the one to change if she’d met Gabi all those years ago. In the forge, Darnell and Walsam look around and Darnell notices a guy cutting Hephaestus Metal with a toothed chain made of the same material. Darnell goes to taunt the prisoners, but it turns out his betrayal was a set-up to get them inside the castle. He gives Xena the saw to bust out and they head for the forge. They pound Agathon’s men (although Walsam escapes) and Gabi impresses Darnell again with her ability to kick ass. Xena has them throw all the weapons into the forge before using her chakram to drop a stone plug on it. The pressure will build and blow the whole castle to shit, destroying all the weapons and armour, since all Agathon’s men are inside. Before they can leave, Agathon shows up and wounds Darnell with his wannabe chakram, busting the safety valve on the forge. As the pressure builds, Ares shows up but Xena reminds him of his promise not to intervene and he leaves. Xena and Agathon have a High Noon-style showdown and Xena wins, her chakram shattering Agathon’s weapon and send a piece back into his head. They take off right before the castle explodes and destroys all the Hephaestus Metal. Darnell and Glaphyra thank Xena for the second chance and head off together, still bickering. Xena answers Gabi’s earlier question, saying Gabi would always be a good person no matter what outside influences she had. Xena says she’d probably still be bad without Gabi’s influence, but Gabi reminds her she was already on the path to being good before they met.

This is a pretty good episode; I have it at #71 on my all-time list, but I like it more every time I see it, so it could move up on the list. It’s cool to see some more of Xena’s past come back to haunt her; apparently, she didn’t just do bad stuff, she trained other people to do bad stuff, which gives her even more to feel guilty about. The new characters are a bit clichéd (Darnell and Glaphyra’s battle of the sexes is pretty predictable), but Darnell’s redemption and Glaphyra’s connection with Gabi feel pretty genuine. Apparently, these characters were meant to be fill-ins if Lucy and Renee ever needed to take an episode off, but the creators realized that fans tune in to see Xena and Gabi, not a couple of random characters, so we’ll never see Darnell or Glaphyra again. This episode was actually filmed after The Debt two-parter and it might fit better in the middle of The Rift instead of here. Ares makes no mention of the Furies here but does next episode, where he also mentions developing a new type of metal; so this episode should really come after The Deliverer and subsequent episodes. That would fit better with Gabi’s questioning of Xena’s influence on her; Gabi would be feeling guilty for lying about Hope (and if this took place after The Debt, Xena would feel guilty for lying about Ming Tien).

One of the reasons I like this episode is because Gabi comes off pretty well here. She fights well against the armoured soldiers (impressing Darnell twice), holds her own against Glaphyra, and is in on Xena’s plan all along. Gabi asks Xena “Am I who I am, or am I who you made me?” In the end, Xena tells her she’d always be a good person, whether she’d met Xena or not. But Xena is definitely aware of the influence Gabi has had on her and even thinks Gabi might’ve turned her around if they’d met sooner. (Although Gabi would’ve still been a kid when Xena started her warlord career, so I’m not sure if that would’ve blunted her influence or strengthened it.) There’s a certain parallel between Gabi and Glaphyra, who Xena says was “eager to see the world” when they first met. It’s interesting to see Xena trying to give these people she corrupted the chance to turn their lives around, like Gabi has done for her. It only works for two of them (which Gabi says is pretty good), but I think just giving them the opportunity would lessen Xena’s guilt. Gabi taught Xena how to look inside herself instead of letting herself be influenced by the outside world and that’s what Xena wants the others to do. It seems to kinda work with Darnell, and it certainly works with Glaphyra (she and Gabi even end up being friends), so I guess you could say Gabi had an indirect influence on them too.

Noticeable Things:

• Since Xena mentions King Gregor, this episode must take place near Lerna.
• We once again see Gabi’s great throwing arm, when she and Darnell are tossing fire bombs at Agathon’s castle.
• When the forge is getting ready to explode, Xena tells Gabi and Glaphyra to leave and they both refuse; Glaphyra says “We have to protect our men, don’t we?” Is she referring to Darnell and Xena? Maybe she sees the romantic connection between Xena and Gabi.

Favourite Quotations:

• “I’m a princess!” Gabi explaining her fighting prowess to Darnell. She later clarifies that she’s an Amazon princess.
• “Whoa, nice ‘ceps. Do you work out, or are all you gods cut?” Agathon flattering Ares.
• “I don’t think I’ve ever been part of a true disaster before.” Gabi expressing her skepticism about going after Agathon which a bunch of criminals helping them.
• “You’re Gabrielle … bard, Amazon princess, best friend. Nobody made you who you are, it was always there. The question is, who would I be without you?” Xena answering Gabi’s question about her influence.