Lyre Lyre, Hearts on Fire – Director: Mark Beesley/Writers: Adam Armus, Nora Kay Foster
This one starts with Draco and his men looking through some ruins for Terpsichore’s Lyre. They find it, but some Amazons show up (led by Amoria) to claim the Lyre, since it’s on their land. Before the two sides can start fighting, Xena, Gabi, and Joxer arrive and
convince them not to fight … by singing. Yeah, this is a musical episode and the first song is “War” (originally by Edwin Starr). That calms things down enough for Xena to let them know there will be a battle for the Lyre … but it’ll be a Battle of the Bands.
They go to Melodia (music capital of Greece) to set up the competition and we get a version of “Telephone Hour” from Bye Bye Birdie. Xena sends Gabi 
to do the early auditions and Joxer to build a stage. Xena’s mom shows up to congratulate her on her pregnancy … and to insist she find a husband to help raise the kid. The terrible singers auditioning for the contest drive Gabi nuts until they hear someone doing a decent song nearby. They find out it’s Jace, Joxer’s twin brother (who’s gay and proud) doing his version of “Dancing in the Moonlight” (by King Harvest). Joxer is embarrassed by his brother’s flamboyance and Draco is downright hostile about it, until Xena threatens him.
Amoria has a thing for Joxer, who brushes Jace off because he’s afraid he’ll scare Amoria off. Jace talks to Xena about it and she points out how Joxer is worried about his image and what he wants to be. Meanwhile, Cyrene keeps
trying to set Xena up with various guys, none of whom Xena is interested in. Gabi gives Joxer shit for being a dick to Jace, but she gets a bit jealous when she finds out Amoria likes Joxer. Xena knees an overzealous suitor in the balls and Draco puts the moves on Gabi (since he’s still under bliss’s spell from A Comedy of Eros). Gabi tells him to get lost, but Draco is too stubborn to get the message. He does a punk rendition of “Always Something There to Remind Me” (by Naked Eyes) and says if he can’t have Gabi, no one will.
Joxer pretends to like Jace when he finds out Amoria thinks Jace is cool. Gabi mentions her jealousy to Xena, who points out that if Gabi doesn’t want 
Joxer, she shouldn’t care if he finds someone else. Joxer tries to be nice to Jace, but screws it up as usual. Jace forgives him because he figures Joxer’s ignorance is the best he can hope for. Xena rejects another suitor (this one isn’t obnoxious, just too young) and tries to get through to her mom by singing “Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves” (by the Eurythmics and Aretha Franklin) with the Amazons. Draco makes plans for Gabi and when she rejects him again just as the contest opens, his men grab her.
Draco puts Gabi in a cage (in a pretty wild go-go outfit) and performs “Kick Out the Jams (by the MC 5), planning to kill Gabi at the end of the song. Gabi
breaks out and crowd surfs to safety (when Draco tries to follow, the crowd doesn’t even try to catch him), and Xena shows up to pound his men. Xena confronts Draco and they have a Rap battle, which turns into a real fight on the crowd’s heads (like the one in Sins of the Past). Lucy is a really good singer, but not exactly the best rapper I’ve heard. While the Amazons play a rock version of the Xena theme song, she pounds Draco and that gets the crowd so excited that they vote for her 
to win Terpsichore’s Lyre. Amoria gets hot for one of Draco’s captured goons and Gabi consoles Joxer, admitting she likes him fawning over her … and that he’s very important to her. Xena says the Lyre should stay in Melodia for everyone to enjoy and everyone comes out on stage for a rousing rendition of “People Got to Be Free” (by the Rascals), with Joxer finally accepting Jace for who he is.
This is kind of a weird episode, but it’s still pretty good (#63 on my all-time list) because everyone seems to be having such a good time. It’s much less
serious than Bitter Suite (and Renee actually does some of her own singing here), even though the overall plot is just an excuse for the songs. There are several subplots that are more interesting, most of which revolve around the theme of acceptance. Xena’s mom insisting on her finding a man to help raise the baby suggests she hasn’t quite figured out the true nature of Xena and Gabi’s relationship 
yet. That’s strange because Cyrene is usually pretty sharp, but maybe she’s too close to see it. (I assume she doesn’t know because if she does, her insistence on finding Xena a man is pretty disrespectful to Gabi … almost cruel.) I think Cyrene will have it figured out by her next appearance, and I think she’s cool with it; she knows what a good influence Gabi has been, so I’m sure she’s glad to have her as a daughter-in-law. Joxer has to learn to accept his brother Jace for who he is, not who Joxer wants him to be. (It’s strange that Joxer seems more
accepting of his other brother Jett, who’s an assassin.) And Draco can’t accept that Gabi has no feelings for him and that turns him back into the evil warlord he was before. It’s strange he’d try to kill Gabi if he loves her, but I guess when that love turns to obsession, it overrides Bliss’s magic. It’s too bad Draco went back to being an asshole (and is revealed to be a homophobe here) because his two songs were my favourites of the episode.
Noticeable Things:
- Draco changes the word “motherfuckers” to “brothers and sisters” for the intro of “Kick Out the Jams”. He also sets his guitar on fire like
Hendrix. - In the closing credits, the very pregnant Lucy comes out in the go-go outfit that Renee wore, although she said it belonged to one of Renee’s stand-ins, since Renee’s outfit would’ve been too small.
Favourite Quotes:
- “You’re a grown man, if you want to dress like a clown and act like a spaz, that’s your business.” Joxer trying to be sensitive and open-minded toward his brother Jace.
- “Well, not just like you. I don’t have a pasta strainer for a shirt.” Jace throwing a little shade back at Joxer.
- “Well, make it snappy. I’ve got a lot of single Greek losers to turn down.” Xena letting Gabi know she’s too busy to talk.