Many Happy Returns – Director: Mark Beesley/Writers: Liz Friedman, Vanessa Place
This one starts with Xena and Gabi talking about Gabi’s birthday, which is the next day. Gabi’s impatient for her present, but Xena wants to get in a few birthday pranks first, which Gabi definitely isn’t looking forward to. (Xena gets her right away with the old “grease on the telescope” gag.) They’re supposed to be dropping off the Helmet of Hermes at a local king’s
castle, but get distracted by some Zealots about to enact a human sacrifice by tossing a virgin girl (Genaia) over a cliff to insure that their god will help them against the depredations of the local warlord, Farragus. Xena and Gabi pound the Zealots and Xena uses the Helmet to fly down like Superman and rescue Genaia. At first, Genaia is grateful, but when she realizes Xena isn’t a god, she’s pissed off because Xena ruined her sacrifice.
Genaia tells Xena and Gabi she was raised to be a virgin sacrifice, so they 
decide to cure her blind faith by introducing her to one of the gods they know. Farragus’s son (Frankus, who witnessed everything) tells his father about Xena and the Helmet, both of which intrigue Farragus. Xena, Gabi, and Genaia make camp (which takes Xena and Gabi about ten seconds) and Genaia is scandalized when they go swimming naked (although that doesn’t stop her from sneaking a few looks at them). Later Genaia feels guilty for eating a fish, but
it’s obvious her limited worldview is already starting to expand. That night, Xena puts an eel in Gabi’s bedroll, so Gabi gets her back the next morning by dumping fish guts on Xena’s head … which she immediately regrets, since she knows Xena will want to get her back again. They take Genaia to a temple to meet Aphrodite.
Genaia isn’t impressed by the Goddess of Love, who inadvertently ruins 
Gabi’s birthday surprise (a poetry reading by Sappho in Thebes). Aphrodite agrees to travel with them and tries to prove herself to Genaia by duplicating the fancy bag Xena keeps the Helmet in. On the way to Thebes, Gabi’s paranoia about how Xena will get back at her is driving her crazy (which is obviously Xena’s plan, but Gabi can’t seem to figure that out). They miss Sappho because Xena had the time wrong, so they head to a tavern where Aphrodite mentions that Xena switched bags with her earlier. Farragus shows up to get the Helmet and a
fight breaks out. Xena tells Aphrodite to take Genaia and the bag containing the Helmet to safety. Xena and Gabi fight Farragus and his men, but he manages to take off with the bag. Xena figures it’s okay … until Gabi tells her she switched the bags back because she thought Xena was up to something. So now Farragus has the Helmet of Hermes.
Genaia has now started worshipping Aphrodite, who makes her and Frankus fall in love. Xena and Gabi head to Farragus’s hideout to get the Helmet back, but when Frankus shows up with his new fiancée, Genaia, Xena figures they have to try something more subtle. She and Aphrodite 
pretend to be Genaia’s parents (with Gabi as the wedding planner) and distract Farragus long enough for Aphrodite to remove the love spell from Genaia. After telling Genaia she needs to think for herself instead of looking for someone to lead her, Xena tricks Farragus into taking the Helmet off and switches bags with Aphrodite again. Unfortunately, Aphrodite zaps Genaia and the bag containing the Helmet straight into the arms of the Zealots, who have been looking for their sacrifice this whole time.
Xena freaks on Aphrodite and suggests they go to the local Zealot temple to look for Genaia. Zarat (the Zealot leader) tells Farragus he can have the
Helmet if he takes care of Xena for them. When Xena, Gabi, and Aphrodite show up at the temple, Genaia is about to be sacrificed. Xena and Gabi fight the Zealots and Farragus, who’s wearing the Helmet. Xena beats Farragus (with an homage to the ladder fight in Callisto) and tosses the Helmet to Gabi, who takes off with Zarat right behind her. Xena rescues Genaia just in time, but Zarat has Gabi and the Helmet. He tries to fly away, but plummets to the ground; turns out Gabi and Aphrodite switched the real Helmet with a fake. Genaia promises to be her own person (and resolves to open a shelter for people in need), which 
means her romance with Frankus is over—although Aphrodite thinks they still have chemistry. Xena and Gabi end up on a cliff overlooking the sea. They missed Sappho’s show completely, but (after pranking her one last time with a dribble goblet) Xena gives Gabi her real present … a poem written for her by Sappho. The words may be Sappho’s but the sentiments are clearly Xena’s and Gabi is very touched (although Renee and Lucy both seem a little embarrassed by the emotional scene). Xena has one last surprise as she dons the Helmet to take Gabi flying off into the sunset.
This is a great episode; I liked it the first time I saw it, but it just gets better on repeat viewings. It’s currently #29 on my all-time list, but it’s definitely
moving up. There are plenty of funny moments during the episode (Xena’s pranks, Aphrodite’s ditziness, and Farragus’s over the top personality), but the episode is really about Xena and Gabi’s relationship. It kinda has the same vibe as A Day in the Life, where we see Xena and Gabi sometimes acting goofy, sometimes being serious, and sometimes even arguing, but in the end they never stop loving each other. They teach Genaia a valuable 
lesson (with a little help from Aphrodite) and defeat the Zealots, but manage to find time for some romance. I love the scene where Xena and Aphrodite masquerade as Genaia’s parents (apparently Lucy’s “dude” makeup was so good some of the crew didn’t recognize her), and Gabi is great as Belle, the pushy wedding planner (and gives us a taste of her Texas drawl).
This is a nice farewell to Aphrodite, but the heart of the episode is Xena and Gabi’s relationship, highlighted by the poem Xena has Sappho write for
Gabi. I think Sappho probably asked Xena how she felt about Gabi and Xena was unable to articulate how deep her feelings were, so Sappho used that as the theme of the poem, using Xena’s reticence to let Gabi know how much she really loves her. I also love the final scene; a lot of fans (myself included) think this should’ve been the series finale, with Xena and Gabi flying off into the sunset together. That would’ve been a perfect way to end things.
Noticeable Things:
- There’s a shot in the marketplace at Thebes where a guy is
swallowing a sword and right beside him is another guy eating a banana. - Gabi mentions chili powder as a possible means of revenge for Xena, but chili powder is a New World spice and wouldn’t have existed in Ancient Greece. I guess we can put it in with corn and chocolate as proof that this is a parallel world, not the one we live in.
- In the tavern fight, the last guy hands Xena a mug of booze before passing out and she thanks him (before doing a spit take when Gabi tells her she switched the bags back).
- When Farragus realizes he’s been tricked, he dumps out Aphrodite’s bag, which contains (among other things) manacles, nipple clamps, a dildo, anal beads, and ben-wa balls. Makes sense for the Goddess of Love.
Favourite Quotes:
- “These are spoken for.” Xena’s reply when Genaia asks to be taken to Xena’s bosom.
- “I hope you know, Xena, this means war.” Gabi quoting Daffy Duck and letting Xena know she can pull pranks too.
- “I put the ‘ding’ in wedding.” Gabi as Belle, letting her inner Texan show through.
- “There’s a moment when I look at you and no speech is left in me. My tongue breaks, then fire races under my skin and I tremble and grow pale, for I am dying of such love. Or so it seems to me.” Xena’s feelings for Gabi, encapsulated in a few words by Sappho. (These lines actually are a fragment of a real Sappho poem.)