Superman #417 – “Warrior of Mars” – Elliot S! Maggin/Curt Swan/Dave Hunt
It seems like the Superman comics were in a bit of a holding pattern at this, probably because DC knew Superman was going to be revamped after Crisis and figured there wasn’t much point in starting new storylines. So they ended up doing a lot of inventory stories and imaginary tales like this one. As the title suggests, this is about what might’ve happened if Superman’s rocket had landed on Mars instead of Earth when he was a baby. This Mars happens to be inhabited (though the aliens don’t look exactly like J’onn J’onzz) and resembles the old Burroughs version of Mars more than
anything. So Super-Baby is found by some warlike Martians and the leader (Norr) adopts him when he sees how strong the baby is. (Norr’s emblem provides the stylized “S” Superman wears.) Norr ends up conquering a lot of territory and gets some push-back from another warlord, a tubby yellow guy (Dumumbluh) who nobody can understand because he’s always shoving food in his mouth. Using Superman (who Norr named Skaggerak) as his secret weapon, he takes down Lord Dumumbluh and rules Mars. Superman advises his father on how best to help the people and they end up 
actually liking Norr as a ruler, since he’s fair and tries to help as much as possible. But Norr gets bored, since ruling isn’t as much fun as conquering, and suggests they invade Earth. Superman opens hostilities by uprooting and carrying off the White House, but decides they need more info on Earth before they invade in full force. After depositing the White House in the Arctic, Superman disguises himself as an old man to mingle with humans and learn their secrets. He goes to a soup kitchen and hears bums making jokes about the invasion, then ends up getting a job as a sidewalk Santa since it’s near Christmas. After watching (and helping) two kids stop a mugger from stealing a woman’s purse, Superman is astonished when the woman gives “Santa”
her money to help the less fortunate. He flies up to the Martian fleet and tells them they can’t invade because he’s decided he likes Earth and wants to stay there. Superman totals the Martian fleet and settles on Earth, making Perry White at the Daily Planet wonder about who he is. Lois suggests calling him Superman because of the symbol on his chest, but Perry doesn’t really like that name. There’s an epilogue set in the “real” world, with Mariner landing on Mars and reporting back that it’s a lifeless planet … we see that’s not quite true (and so does Clark Kent, watching with his telescopic vision).
Action #577 – “Caitiff, First of the Vampires” – Robert Loren Fleming/Keith Giffen/Bob Oksner
This one starts with a vampire named Caitiff watching a promo on WGBS News talking about a bunch of recent deaths at a Metropolis hospital. The patients seemed to die of some sort of seizure, but nobody can figure out the exact cause, although they each ended up being anemic. WGBS promises to air shocking footage of the patients actually dying; Caitiff is responsible for the deaths and is afraid he’ll be exposed if the footage is shown on the news. Clark Kent thinks they should do more research on the story, but Morgan Edge wants the ratings the sensational footage will bring,
so he gives Clark the afternoon to look into the story further. Clark’s x-ray vision shows him what the video cameras couldn’t see … a vampire killing the patients. As Superman, he checks out the hospital and finds evidence that someone was in the room, someone who came in through a vent. While Clark is doing the news that night, Caitiff turns into mist and comes through the vents to stop him airing the hospital footage. Apparently Caitiff doesn’t know that he can’t be caught on camera; the people in the WGBS control room can’t even see 
him, but those in the studio can. Caitiff pounds some guys who try to jump him and changes back to a mist to escape. Clark changes to Superman to pursue and inhales Caitiff before he can get away. Caitiff manages to blast Superman from the inside and the two of them share a brief psychic connection, since both of them are profoundly lonely in being unique. Superman follows Caitiff to his lair in the sewers and tells him he has to bring him in. Caitiff is worried he’ll be killed by the humans and Superman tries to assure him he won’t let that happen. Caitiff shows Superman the bones of his race who have been systematically eliminated by humans.
Caitiff points out that he’s the last of his race, like Superman; that thought distracts the Man of Steel and Caitiff gets away. Superman vows to go after him to stop his killing spree, even though Superman admits he’d probably do whatever it took to survive if he was in Caitiff’s place, hated by humans instead of worshipped by them. This is an interesting story, although Giffen’s art is a bit too weird for me (everyone looks like they melting) and Caitiff’s way of speaking gets annoying really fast.
DC Comics Presents #91 – “The Brains That Stormed Metropolis” – Craig Boldman/Curt Swan/Dave Hunt
This is another story based on Halley’s Comet returning to Earth in 1986. It starts with Superman fighting Brainstorm, a villain who can channel energy from the stars through his goofy-looking helmet and turn it into whatever he imagines. Brainstorm can’t really hurt Superman, but he can cause destruction and throw all kinds of crazy crap at the Man of Steel. So Superman is surprised when Brainstorm teleports away in the middle of the fight. Supes changes to Clark Kent and heads home, where he runs into one of his neighbours (Alstrom), who’s coughing and wheezing and blaming his respiratory ailments on Halley’s Comet. We see Brainstorm in
his hideout and find out why he retreated from the fight—he’s built up a resistance to the helmet’s energy-channelling and can barely operate it now. At a science expo, Captain Comet is hanging around to view the cutting-edge technology, which isn’t too impressive to him. (Captain Comet is a mutant who has the powers and abilities that humanity will have thousands of years in the future.) When Captain Comet stops a runaway moon rover and gets on TV, Brainstorm uses his helmet to send a call to the hero. Comet shows up at Brainstorm’s place and the villain uses the last bit of power in the helmet to drain Comet’s powers into himself. Somehow that changes Comet 
physically into a hyper-evolved mutant, huge in stature but dumb as a bag of shit. He also has a bad temper and wants his stolen power back. Alstrom is on the roof of Clark’s building with a telescope when Captain Comet and Brainstorm show up, still fighting. Comet is immune to Brainstorm’s power (since it was his own) and Brainstorm drops the helmet since he doesn’t need it anymore. Alstrom puts the helmet on (since there’s no tinfoil handy) and observes the fight, which soon attracts Superman’s attention. Superman fights the savage Captain Comet and Brainstorm takes off. Alstrom’s paranoia makes him think that everyone in town will turn savage like Captain Comet, and since he’s wearing Brainstorm’s helmet, he causes people to go nuts. Superman keeps fighting Captain Comet, but he gets away and goes to look
for Brainstorm. Supes tracks him down and Brainstorm shows up to help subdue the enraged Captain. Brainstorm says he’d like to return Comet’s power, but can’t Superman mentions the helmet as a catalyst, but Brainstorm doesn’t know where it is. When Superman sees everyone going crazy in the streets, he realizes that matches Alstrom’s fears. Superman retrieves the helmet from Alstrom and puts it on Captain Comet’s head. Comet returns to normal, stops the rampaging crowds, and takes back the power Brainstorm stole from him. Brainstorm is a bit regretful, since having Comet’s futuristic mind made him a more moral person and he kinda enjoyed that.
Justice League of America #248 – “Interweavings” – Gerry Conway/Luke McDonnell/Bill Wray
This one starts right after last issue, when the JLA found a weird blob-like alien living in their Secret Sanctuary headquarters. Gypsy won’t let the others hurt the blob (who she’s christened Junior), but they can’t help wondering what it is and where it came from. Meanwhile, J’onn J’onzz has started his new job as a private detective by looking into the case of a missing girl, Pamela Cross. J’onn (who narrates the story like something straight out of Chandler) tracks Pamela to Brooklyn, where he’s just in time to hear someone being shot. It’s an older woman not Pamela, and when the cops show up they assume J’onn is the killer. He uses his
invisibility to get away, taking the gun along for evidence. There’s a brief interlude with Despero (at least I assume it’s him) returning to Kalanor after escaping prison last issue. In New York, Zatanna checks her apartment for clues to her missing friend (Sheri), who vanished while subletting her place. She finds some weird ash on the floor and a note by the phone about Westside Marina, so she heads out to investigate. Vibe finally manages to find a crappy apartment, which takes all the money he has just to secure it. When some local thugs try to shake him down for “neighbourhood insurance”, he uses his powers to teach them a lesson. In Astoria, Steel is shooting a movie, playing a Conan rip-off, but he gets pissed off when another actor (or 
stuntman) goes too far during a fight scene. Steel kicks his ass and kinda trashes the set. For some reason he doesn’t get fired and gets a date with the continuity girl (Robin), who was impressed by his performance. Back in the Secret Sanctuary, Gypsy, Vixen, and Ralph take Junior to the science lab to examine her, but she freaks out and takes off. They go after her and when Vixen takes a shortcut down a different corridor, she’s overcome by a strange weakness. Back in the conference room, we see the opossum family is dead, having aged and mummified. Outside, J’onn, Steel, and Vibe run into Junior trying to get away and they tackle her. They knock her out, but realize she was just scared and trying to get away. That’s confirmed when Gypsy comes out and gives them shit for hurting Junior. The argument is interrupted when Vixen stumbles outside and collapses, aged almost to death.