Soul Possession – Director: Josh Becker/Writer: Melissa Blake
This one starts with Xena and Joxer hiding a scroll (which they wrap in another scroll and seal inside an amphora) in a cave under the Ionian Sea. Apparently, the scroll was written by Ares and Xena wants to hide it where
he can never find it. But in the present day (well, in 2001 when this episode originally aired) the scroll is found by treasure hunters and taken to CHAKRAM—the Centre for Historical Accuracy in Key Research in Ancient Mythology. At a press conference, a professor announces that the scroll reveals something never before known about Xena … that she was married to Ares.
The professor mentions Sacrifice Part II and Adventures in the Sin Trade II, then starts reading from the scroll, which puts us into flashback mode. After Alti’s vision, Xena knew Gabi was still alive and returned to Greece to find her. She told Joxer (who had become a hopeless drunk after Gabi’s death) that Gabi is still alive, but he refused to believe it. In the present, Annie (from Deja Vu All Over Again, who
is the reincarnation of Joxer) tries to rehabilitate Joxer reputation, but finds that impossible. She admits to some Xena fans that Harry and Mattie (Xena and Gabi reincarnated) got married and are away on a trip to Greece. In the past, Xena and Joxer went looking for Gabi and Ares showed up offering to help … as long as Xena married him.
Xena wasn’t interested, but Ares basically admitted that she was right about Gabi being alive. He offered to marry her in front of the Fates, which would make their bond eternal and unbreakable, and would keep Ares from 
harming anyone Xena cared about—like Gabi. Xena considered Ares’ offer, which made Joxer think she was crazy. He tried to discourage her by pretending to be Gabi’s spirit, but Xena saw through that immediately. In the present, Harry and Mattie return from Greece (which helped them recall their past lives as Xena and Gabi) and find an invitation to the CHAKRAM press conference. When Harry hears about the newly-discovered scroll, he realizes what it means and gets worried. In the past, Xena agreed to marry Ares.
Xena told Ares she wanted the ceremony to take place at the lava pit where Gabi supposedly died and Ares agreed. Joxer threw Ares a bachelor party,
but Ares wasn’t interested in the bevy of beauties Joxer tried to distract him with (who Ares refers to as a “fistful of harlots”). Ares was briefly entranced when Xena seemed to jump out of a cake in a whipped cream bikini, but it turned out to be Meg, so Ares took off. (We see some early indications of Joxer’s feelings for Meg as he tells her she’s too good to be a stripper.) In the present, Harry and Mattie go to the 
press conference and tell Annie there’s a very good chance Ares might show up there. We see that they’re right … Ares is on his way. In the past, Joxer helped Xena get ready for her wedding to Ares and the Fates showed up for the ceremony at the lava pit. But Xena changed her mind at the last second and jumped into the lava pit, taking Ares’ marriage contract with her.
Ares saved Xena, just as she expected him to. Xena confronted Ares with the truth: that he’d saved Hope from the lava pit (which is why he wanted the
Fates involved, so Xena couldn’t go after Hope) and saved Gabi at the same time as a bargaining chip. Ares claimed Gabi had offered him her soul to save Hope and he agreed. Naturally, Xena offered her soul in exchange for Gabi’s, promising to marry Ares in her next life as long as he left her and Gabi alone in this one. Ares agreed and told Xena he’d already let Gabi go and she’d have to find her (which we saw in Family Affair). Ares amended the scroll, but Xena distracted him with a kiss and stole it back, which led to her and Joxer hiding the scroll in the 
cave at the beginning of the episode. In the present, the professor is happy that they found the scroll before Ares did, but Ares shows up at the press conference to claim the scroll and Xena’s soul. Ares fights Harry and decides to switch Xena’s soul into Annie’s body and Joxer’s soul into Harry’s. But Xena/Annie attacks him and during the fight she tricks him into burning up the scroll with one of his fireballs. Ares takes off, leaving Annie, Mattie, and Harry to get on with their lives … although I wonder if this means Harry and Mattie will have to get divorced so Annie and Mattie can get married?
I really don’t like this episode at all (it’s #132 on my all-time list), mainly because I think it’s completely unnecessary. It was obviously done to clear
up some questions about how Gabi (and Hope) survived the lava pit in Sacrifice II, but I don’t think a protracted explanation was needed. Dahok saved Hope and Gabi landed in a niche (probably getting severely injured) and eventually crawled to safety. End of explanation. Bringing in all this complicated stuff is pointless, especially since it makes Xena (and even Gabi) sound way out of character. Are we supposed to believe that Xena would agree to marry Ares (in any incarnation) without at least looking for Gabi herself? She knows from Alti’s vision that Gabi is alive (and that they’ll be crucified together in Ides of March), so wouldn’t she at least look for Gabi before agreeing to Ares’ 
offer? At the very least, she’d check in Amphipolis and Potaideia. And why would Gabi offer Ares her soul to save Hope? She told Hope that she wished the poison had killed her and she knew Hope’s plans to give birth to the Destroyer could threaten the entire world. Gabi was willing to sacrifice herself to save Xena (and the world in general) from Hope and Dahok, so why would she suddenly be willing to trade her soul to bring Hope’s evil back into the world?
Luckily, this episode’s flashbacks are based on Joxer’s writings, not Gabi’s, 
so we can assume that most of it is bullshit. Joxer is known to exaggerate and to get things wrong, so I personally consider anything he writes as suspect. For me, this whole episode can basically be considered apocryphal, except maybe for Xena and Joxer’s souls being put into their “proper” bodies. But that could’ve been done a different way, still with Ares’ involvement but without all the out-of-character stuff to set it up. Maybe they could’ve gotten the Xena and Gabi clones (or even elderly Mel and Janice) into the story, which 
would’ve been way more work for Lucy and Renee, but might’ve made a pretty cool episode. The only redeeming features of this episode are Meg’s appearance and the confirmation that no matter how hard Ares tries, he can never come between Xena and Gabi. I guess this is a fitting goodbye to Kevin Smith as Ares, giving him a good showcase to play the God of War as a total bastard, but I still refuse to believe Xena or Gabi would act like that.
Noticeable Things:
- There are numerous in-jokes with fans and other attendees at the CHAKRAM press conference, like the professor being named Delaney (after Sharon Delaney, who did tons of interviews for the Chakram newsletter and the Coffee Talk videos with Lucy and Renee). There’s also an editor from Whoosh at the conference.
- When Meg sings to Ares at his bachelor party, she spells his name A-R-S-E.
- When Joxer helps Xena prepare for her wedding he gives her something old (a lock of Gabi’s hair), something new (a freshly-picked flower), something borrowed (a rabbit’s foot), and something blue (Joxer himself, who’s still grieving over Gabi).
- At the press conference, the professor asks about celebrity appearances and is told they tried to get Bruce Campbell but he was too expensive.
Favourite Quotes:
- “It’s that long?” Joxer’s reply when Xena tells him the Nile is in Africa (after Joxer tells her “The Nile ain’t just a river in Europe.”)
- “That? That was just foreplay.” Ares’ answer when Xena reminds him of all the crap he’s put her through over the years.
- “I should be as close as possible to the one person in the world I’m meant to spend the rest of my life with, as I give myself over to the one person in the world I would never choose.” Xena explaining why she wants to have her wedding at the lava pit.