This one starts with Lauren sneaking Bo into the lab (in a body bag!) so she can see Nadia, Lauren’s girlfriend who’s in a mystical coma and being kept alive by Light Fae technology. See what you miss when you don’t pay attention? Bo’s obviously nervous, and the first thing she notices about Nadia is how attractive she is, even while comatose. Lauren tries to reassure her, and they contemplate the nail Bo got from the Morrigan. Bo gives it to Lauren for analysis and says she’ll do whatever she can to help Nadia. Elsewhere, a drunk dude is wandering through a cemetery and finds someone digging up a grave—someone who looks a hell of a lot like General George Patton. Before the drunk guy (who I think is supposed to be the groundskeeper … way to take your job seriously, dude) can do anything, he gets roped from behind by … Annie Oakley? Looks like this one’s gonna be extra weird.
We next see Bo and Dyson talking to Trick and a friend named Donovan, who some people may recognize as Manny’s dad from Degrassi the Next Generation. Apparently, the grave that was dug up belonged to Donovan’s husband, Christoph (a famous dancer), whose body is now missing. Donovan is pretty broken up about it, and still has some unresolved guilt over a fight he and Christoph had before Christoph was killed in a car crash. Trick says Donovan is one of his oldest friends and Bo and Dyson say they’ll do whatever they can to find Christoph’s body. At the Dal, Hale is trying to impress a couple of women by telling them stories about his battle prowess. Dyson comes in and mentions he got an assignment to protect the Glaive (who’s basically the Fae version of an Attorney-General), but he can’t do it because he’s helping Trick’s friend. He teases Hale with the assignment, almost making him beg for it. Once Hale agrees, Dyson reveals the assignment isn’t to protect the Glaive, but her daughter. She has a real Paris Hilton vibe going on (her name’s Tori and she’s played by Courtney-Jane White aka Wanda in Todd and the Book of Pure Evil) and Hale realizes Dyson set him up. Dyson gives him a list of rules (“No booze, no boys, no rap music, no coffee”) and leaves. Tori immediately asks Hale if he’s as boring as Dyson. Yeah, he’s gonna have fun with this one.
At the cemetery, Bo and Dyson check out Christoph’s now-open grave. Dyson sniffs out a trail and they find a dead body nearby, which I think belongs to the groundskeeper. He’s been killed “hunter-style—shot, bled, and the “sweetbreads” removed. Dyson says a Fae called a Cheeno might be responsible, as it only feeds on human flesh. Back at the Dal, Hale is telling his heroic battle story to Tori, but she’s not into it. Kenzi shows up and when she finds out Hale is basically babysitting Tori and not letting her have any fun, she tells Tori that she’s human and Bo lets her do whatever she wants. Tori thinks it’s cool Kenzi has so much freedom; Tori’s mom makes her wear a tracking bracelet, since Tori’s telepathic and doesn’t need a cell phone. Kenzi begs Hale to let Tori hang with her and experience some fun. He reluctantly agrees, as long as she’s smart and responsible about it (Kenzi: “Dude, those two words are like, both my middle names.”) Kenzi says she isn’t even drinking, because she’s on a cleanse. Elsewhere, we see Christoph waking up in a room full of people. The guy who woke him—a smarmy, decadent-looking bastard—welcomes him to their little party. He points out the other guests: Annie Oakley (he doesn’t call her that, but it seems obvious; she’s played by Vanessa Burns, who plays the reporter Shelly on Designated Survivor); the General, a five star Italian chef, and a piano virtuoso. Christoph says he wants to see his husband, but the smarmy dude magicks him somehow and makes him dance.
At a butcher shop, Dyson and Bo talk to Gary (the Cheeno). He’s quite the connoisseur of human flesh; he explains that humans are watched for years before being butchered, so a vegan who works out all the time is considered a prime cut, while a smoker who sits at a desk all day would be made into hot dogs. He pretends not to know anything about the dead groundskeeper, but when Bo threatens him with prison—and all vegetarian meals—he says he butchered the groundskeeper for a Lich. Bo misunderstands and says, “Wow, Gary, you really should charge more for what you do.” The confusion is from the pronunciation of “Lich” which Gary says with a hard “k” sound at the end. In my old D&D group, we always pronounced it as “Litch”; maybe we were wrong, but pronouncing it “lick” still sounds weird to me. What is a Lich, you ask? Well, in this show it’s an Ancient Egyptian Fae who found a way to cheat death; they ingest human flesh to feed their bodies, but live to feed their minds, having an insatiable hunger for knowledge. That’s somewhat similar to the D&D version, I guess. When Bo threatens Gary with “tofu, four times a day”, he gives them the Lich’s address.
At the Dal, Kenzi and Tori have already broken a couple of rules; they’re dancing to some hip-hop and Tori is drinking. Hale says the other patrons might appreciate a quieter song, but Tori reminds them who she is (“I’m the Glaive’s daughter, bitches!”) and says Hale has to call her mom with regular updates or she’ll freak. Hale goes to make the call, leaving Kenzi and Tori to dance it up some more. Dyson and Bo find the Lich’s place, where he’s still forcing Cristoph to dance, even though he’s exhausted. Dyson reminds the Lich he forgot to announce himself when he came to town and the Lich says he’s leaving the next day anyway. He seems fascinated by Bo, and she notices a painting on the wall that looks like the Lich in his younger days. At the Dal, Hale gets off the phone with the Glaive to find Kenzi and Tori have disappeared. Back at the Lich’s place, he already knows who Dyson and Bo are—Lichs collects knowledge, so it makes sense it’d be hard to fool them—so they cut the crap and ask for Christoph back. The Lich says Christoph’s marriage ended upon his death, and they realize Christoph has been enchanted somehow. Annie Oakley is lingering nearby, hands near her holsters, and she seems thoroughly on the Lich’s side as well. The Lich admits that with all his knowledge, he’s never met a succubus before and can’t imagine how Bo must feel … the passion, the longing, the hunger she lives with day after day. He invites her to a party, but tells Dyson he’s not welcome. Bo says she already has a date in mind and promises to attend.
At the Dal, they tell Donovan that Christoph is okay, but he thinks being under a Lich’s thrall doesn’t count as “okay” and urges them to get Christoph free of the Lich’s influence. Trick tells Bo that Lichs put their life force into phylacteries (now that’s straight outta D&D), so if she can find the phylactery and destroy it, the Lich should die too. She mentions the painting of the younger-looking Lich and says he was wearing a scarab necklace in the painting. Trick figures it’s a “Picture of Dorian Grey” thing, where the painting is the phylactery. Bo says she’ll try to destroy it and see what happens. Trick warns her to be careful, as Lichs are notoriously hard to beat. (They’re CR 21 monsters, for God’s sake! … though only CR 12 in Pathfinder for some reason). Hale is frantically trying to find Kenzi and Tori, putting out an unofficial APB on them. Dyson knows right away that Hale lost Tori and says he has a receiver for the tracking bracelet; seems Tori pulled the same trick on him the first time he looked after her.
Bo asks Lauren to be her date (and watch her back) at the Lich’s party and says the Lich might be able to tell them what’s up with the mysterious nail, since he’s been everywhere and knows pretty much all there is to know. Lauren’s overwhelmed that Bo’s going out of her way to help her get her girlfriend back. At the party, the Lich says he’s going to put on a show for them. He explains that he digs up corpses of talented people so he can surround himself with the extraordinary—scientists, soldiers, artists—anyone who he learn from, who can feed his intellect. Bo and Lauren are obviously creeped out by that, but play it cool. The show starts with Christoph dancing for them. Speaking of dancing, Kenzi and Tori are at home getting their groove on when Hale comes in to play Mr. Buzzkill. Tori hurls all over him (from the tequila Kenzi gave her) and Hale takes his shirt off, which kinda gets Kenzi’s attention.
He tells her to sober Tori up, otherwise her mother will “… make garters out of my tender bits … and I need my tender bits!” At the Lich’s party, a guy (Beethoven? Mozart? Some old bewigged dude) is playing the piano. Bo strokes the Lich’s cheek, but her power doesn’t seem to work on him (plus, Annie Oakley is giving her the hairy eyeball). Lauren mentions the plague in the Congo and shows the nail to the Lich. He seems to recognize it, but is so entranced in the show he won’t answer any questions.
At the Dal, Donovan is rifling through Trick’s stuff and comes up with a dagger. Before he can go anywhere, Trick stops him. Trick says he knows how Donovan feels, since he lost his own wife and ended up running the Dal. He urges Donovan to trust Bo. At the party, Bo asks if the Lich will give up Cristoph and he says no, so she pulls a knife and threatens to slice up the painting. The Lich tells her she’s being stupid, since he carries untold secrets in his head, but she starts cutting. The Lich convulses as she slits the portrait, but it turns out he’s just bullshitting. Lauren figures the Lich’s phylactery might be the members of his entourage and Bo says she’ll drain them of their chi individually. But Annie Oakley and General Patton pull guns, so that might be a tad difficult. The Lich chains Bo and Lauren up and tells them he (and his entourage) want to witness a succubus feed. Obviously, he expects Bo to feed on Lauren.
At home, Tori’s recovering from her booze binge and Kenzi gives her a cup of coffee—which makes her keel over immediately. Dammit Kenzi, didn’t you read the list? Back at the Lich party, Bo refuses to feed off Lauren, but the Lich insists he wants to see true passion in action. Bo says she’d rather die than kill another innocent human, so the Lich gets Annie Oakley to shoot Bo in the gut. At home, Kenzi’s freaking because she just killed the Glaive’s daughter and Hale’s freaking because he let Dyson down and allowed Tori to die on his watch. After their mutual freak outs, they try to calm down and figure out what to do next. Hale’s first choice: move. At the party, Bo’s bleeding out and the Lich says if she doesn’t feed on Lauren, he’ll kill Bo, raise her like he did the rest of his entourage, and take her on a murder spree so he can experience her power firsthand. But Bo knows he’s full of shit; he can’t resurrect her with her powers intact (which is why he didn’t simply kill her in the first place), so she refuses. The Lich has Lauren tied down so he can kill her and Bo goes full-on succubus; yeah, apparently, she’s really been holding back. She starts glowing and drains everyone in the room (except Lauren) without touching them. She busts out of her chains and gives a speech in a weird voice about how she could become the most powerful Fae ever, making the distinction between Light and Dark meaningless. Then she faints. Lauren revives her and tells her what she just did. Bo freaks and uses her reverse mojo trick to revive Christoph. She’s about to do the same for the others, but Annie Oakley says to let them finally rest in peace.
At home, Kenzi and Hale are discussing places to flee to, when Hale remembers Dyson mentioning the Lich. He figures maybe the Lich can help them with their problem. Back at the (after) party, the Lich is trying to get some food to regain his strength, but Bo stops him and asks about the nail she got from the Morrigan. He says Nadia isn’t sick, she was cursed. The nail is a shaman’s Cursing Nail and somewhere there’s a piece of wood with Nadia’s name on it. If they find it and remove the Nail, Nadia will wake up. He tries to feed again, but Bo says his days of eating humans are over. He gives a speech about all the crazy shit he’s seen, then dies. Back at the Dal, Christoph and Donovan have a tearful reunion. Christoph’s resurrection is temporary, so they decide to spend some quality time together before he dies for good. Hale brings Tori’s body in and asks about the Lich. When he finds out it’s dead, he’s not too happy, but Dyson comes along and punches her in the chest. That brings her back to life … apparently, she has two hearts and when she drinks coffee it knocks her out until someone shocks her extra heart into beating … or something.
At the Dal, a fully recovered Tori says she won’t tell her mom about all the crazy shit that happened, mostly because she’d be grounded for decades if her mom found out. She says she really liked hanging out with Kenzi and asks Hale how much he wants for her. At first, he says $50, but he ends up declining the offer. Since Bo claimed Kenzi, I don’t think Hale would be able to sell her anyway. At the lab, Lauren sneaks Bo in again (yup, another body bag) and wonders who would’ve cursed Nadia. Bo says they’ll figure it out and get her back. Lauren’s so overwhelmed that Bo’s ignoring her own feelings just to make Lauren happy that she gives her a big old smooch … which seems a bit weird with Nadia’s comatose bod right next to them. That’s the end of the episode, but I can’t help wondering if they did it on top of Nadia’s capsule afterwards.