Xena Reviews: Season 6, Episode 12

The God You Know – Director: Garth Maxwell/Writer: Emily Skopov

This one starts with Xena and Gabi finding a bunch of people who have been slaughtered. The Archangel Michael shows up to let them know it’s the work of Caligula, the new Roman Emperor. Michael tells them Caligula has the powers of a god and wants Xena to use her god-killing gift to take Caligula down. Xena’s not inclined to trust Michael after their last encounter, but he points out that Caligula is exterminating anyone who won’t worship him, including Eli’s followers … which means Eve could be in danger. In Rome, Caligula is demonstrating his power (by having random people stab him), but when Eve defies him, he prepares to kill her. He’s interrupted by a masked Xena, who shows up on a chariot and gets ready to stab Caligula. Before she can, she’s tackled by Ares, who lets her know that Caligula is somehow linked to Aphrodite, so if Xena kills Caligula, Aphrodite will die too.

Gabi gets Eve to safety in the confusion, while Ares is dragged off to the dungeons and Xena sees that Aphrodite is really out of it. Gabi tells Caligula she represents Saba (i.e. Xena), who wants to challenge him to a chariot race, which intrigues him. Later, Xena goes to see Ares in the dungeon while Gabi heads to the party to check out Aphrodite. But Aphrodite’s so whacked out, she doesn’t even recognize Gabi (even trying to put the moves on her at one point) and Caligula gets pissed off that “Saba” isn’t at the party. Xena’s in the dungeon with Ares, who tells her Caligula has been draining Aphrodite’s godhood, turning himself into a god. Apparently she was vulnerable because with no God of War, the Goddess of Love becomes unbalanced. At the party, Gabi distracts Caligula with a sexy dance and when Xena finally shows up, Caligula asks her to prove her worth by killing Ares.

Xena and Gabi pretend to get all sexy with Ares and Xena gives Caligula a kiss, biting his lip and drawing blood. That freaks him out, since he’s supposed to be invulnerable, so he throws everyone out and has Xena chained. Gabi tries to get through to Aphrodite again, but she still can’t remember her, and has lost most of her godly powers. Xena convinces Caligula she’s really Saba, the Celtic Goddess of Sex and that she wants to ally with him. Later, Caligula hears the voices of his family (who he killed) and really starts losing it. Michael shows up to make him an offer, so I’m not sure if Caligula’s madness here is something he already had, or if it was brought on by Michael to manipulate him. I suspect it’s the latter, since Michael goes to Eve next and convinces her to stop hiding and go back out to preach the word of Eli.

Eve is caught right away and brought to Caligula, but before he can kill her, Xena stops him. After decking Eve (to keep her from spoiling the plan), Xena convinces Caligula that executing Eve in public will bring him more glory. When he mentions a “demon with wings” told him to kill Eve, Xena knows Michael is manipulating all of them. Gabi is trying to help Aphrodite when Michael shows up to kill her. Xena jumps him and kicks his ass, getting him to admit he wants to kill Aphrodite to keep Caligula from gaining the last of her godly powers. When Xena tries to kill Michael, a pillar of fire comes down and takes away her god-killing power. Caligula shows up and drains Aphrodite of the last of her immortality.

Caligula enjoys the rush of godhood, while Aphrodite gets her mind back (but isn’t too happy to realize she’s mortal now). Xena lets Ares know what happened and tells Eve her plan. She brings Eve to the Forum in front of a rabid crowd. Caligula and Xena have their chariot race (with killing Eve as the prize) and Caligula has fun with it, tossing random fireballs and whipping Xena. Naturally, Xena wins but instead of killing Eve, she proclaims her true identity in front of the crowd. That scares Caligula, since he thinks she still has the power to kill gods. The crowd turns, cheering Xena and booing Caligula; I’m not sure if they’re followers of Eli, or if they just hate Caligula and were looking for an excuse to turn on him. (Or maybe they’re just fickle.) Since Xena can’t kill Caligula, she convinces him to kill himself, to cement his place in the pantheon of gods. He stabs himself and Xena feels bad, telling Gabi that Caligula wasn’t truly evil, just damaged. Aphrodite’s freaked out about being mortal, but Ares already has some experience with that, so he can help her. Eve asks if Xena’s sorry to lose her god-killing gift, but Xena says she still has her two greatest gifts … Gabi and Eve.

This is a pretty good episode, which is why it’s #50 on my all-time list. Everyone does a good job, especially Alexis Arquette as Caligula. He’s kinda over-the-top sometimes, but it fits the character, and he does a good job of playing Caligula’s mix of arrogance and madness. We also get to see some filial love from Ares towards Aphrodite finally (although there’s a scene where she starts putting the moves on him and he freaks out, yelling, “Bad touching!”). Alex Tydings does a good job of playing the addled Aphrodite, and we get confirmation of her friendship with Gabi. Of course, all the Gaphrodite shippers will love the scene where the Goddess of Love tries to kiss Gabi, but I personally never got that kind of vibe from them. It would make sense for the Goddess of Love to be pansexual (since love is universal), but I think Gabi and Aphrodite work better as friends (and there’s a sweet scene at the end where Gabi assures Aphrodite that they really are friends).

The big twist here is Xena losing her god-killing powers. It was probably necessary, since it makes her a little too powerful, and when Ares gets his godhood back (which happens next episode) it makes him more of a threat again. Michael is a real asshole here, manipulating everyone and putting Eve in danger to motivate Xena to kill Caligula. I can’t help wondering if Michael goaded Xena into trying to kill him just so they’d have an excuse to take away her god-killing ability; it’s obvious the angels are afraid of her. Luckily, this is the last we’ll see of Michael and his ilk.

Noticeable Things:

• Gabi’s dance moves are almost like fighting kata. I wonder if Renee just wanted to show off some of the new moves she’d learned.
• When Gabi gets Eve out of harm’s way in Rome, she’s wearing a pillbox hat and keeps taking it off and putting it on again. If it’s meant to be a disguise, it’s not a very good one.
• Caligula draining Aphrodite’s power kinda reminds me of Bo’s succubus kiss on Lost Girl.
• When Xena reveals herself before the crowd, she takes her helmet off and tosses it back toward where Eve is tied up. It kinda looks like the helmet was about to hit Adrienne in the face, but Renee grabbed it just in time.

Favourite Quotes:

• “Now I’m a bitch for Rome.” Eve letting Caligula know she’s no longer Livia, the Bitch of Rome.
• “When I heard that the Olympians had met an untimely end, I though this was the perfect opportunity for me to spread my … wings.” Xena convincing Caligula she’s a sex goddess.
• “Gabrielle, I know we’re like, close, but is this really appropriate?” Aphrodite asking why Gabi’s leaning over her, while simultaneously breaking the hearts of Gaphrodite shippers everywhere. Or maybe Aphrodite remembers putting the moves on Gabi and is just trying to throw off suspicion …