Xena Reviews: Season 3, Episode 8

King of Assassins – Director: Bruce Campbell/Writers: Adam Armus, Nora Kay Foster

This one starts with Xena bringing a bandit to prison and interrogating him to find out where his leader went. She finds Joxer in the prison (for stealing a chicken) and gets him out. Meanwhile, two guys break into a warlord’s place to steal his sword, but end up setting off a trap. When the warlord shows up, one guy kills him. The other guy (who turns out to be Autolycus, King of Thieves) isn’t too happy about his partner killing someone in cold blood. The killer says there will be more deaths to come and when he takes his mask off, he looks exactly like Joxer.

In the marketplace, Autolycus (who has taken off with the stolen sword) runs into Joxer and assumes he’s the killer he partnered up with, since Joxer has just bought some new bad-ass leathers. Autolycus is scared and returns the sword and Joxer enjoys the fear and respect Autolycus is showing toward him. At least until Gabi shows up and starts slapping Joxer around, revealing him as something less than a deadly assassin. Joxer says the killer must be his brother Jett and is embarrassed because the family (who are all warlords) think Jett is great and Joxer is a loser. Gabi decides they should try to stop Jett’s assassination (thinking that’s what Xena would do) and figures there must be a second part to it, so she urges Autolycus to plant the sword inside the castle just as Jett ordered him to. Autolycus is reluctant until Gabi mentions the possibility of a reward. Autolycus causes a distraction (by making Joxer grab a passing woman’s ass) and slips into the castle. He drops a rope for Gabi and Joxer before hiding the sword in the bedchamber. He soon gets distracted when he realizes the target is Cleopatra (who’s there to find support against her brother who stole her throne) and she starts undressing. Autolycus is so distracted he accidentally severs the rope, sending Joxer tumbling back to the ground … where he and Gabi are quickly grabbed by the guards.

Autolycus enjoys the peep show with Cleopatra until she discovers him and almost cuts his throat. He pretends to be a security expert working for Xena, saying she’s interested in helping Cleopatra. In the dungeon, Joxer mentions the assassination attempt and Cleopatra’s security chief (Pontius) has the castle locked down. Turns out Pontius works for Cleopatra’s brother and is in on the assassination. He thinks Joxer is Jett and figures he mentioned the assassination as an excuse to shut the castle up tight. Pontius tells his men to free Joxer and Gabi, but Joxer shoves Gabi back in the cell, saying Jett is too dangerous. The real Jett sneaks into the castle and finds Autolycus, who pretends he’s still carrying out the original plan (hiding the sword and getting close to Cleopatra). In the dungeon, Gabi tries to use a dinner plate as a chakram and knocks herself out. Autolycus discusses an alliance with Cleopatra and the two of them trade sexual innuendos like crazy. Gabi finally escapes, knocking out a guard after unsuccessfully trying to use the Pinch on him, and runs into Jett. She thinks he’s Joxer and warns him to stay away from his dangerous brother. After Gabi leaves, Jett finds Joxer.

Jett torments Joxer (apparently something he’s been doing since they were kids) and Joxer says he’s going to stop him from killing Cleopatra. Jett doesn’t take that too well. Gabi disguises herself as one of Cleopatra’s servants and sneaks in to see Autolycus. He lets her know there is no second part to the plan and says they should just tell Cleopatra what’s going on. But Gabi doesn’t want to do that; I get the feeling she’s trying to do what Xena would do and handle everything herself. She tells Autolycus to watch out for Jett while she goes to warn Pontius. Autolycus finds Joxer hanging on a hook (where Jett left him) and gets him down. Joxer wants to stop his brother, but doesn’t want him executed for trying to kill Cleopatra. They catch up with Gabi, who tells Pontius about the assassination attempt, but of course he already knows and has his men grab them all.

Gabi and Autolycus pretend Joxer is Jett and Pontius believes them. He frees Joxer, telling him to go kill Cleopatra, and sends Gabi and Autolycus back to the dungeons. Xena shows up to free them and Autolycus covers for Gabi’s mistake, saying she knew there was an inside man and now he’s been exposed. Autolycus goes to warn Cleopatra and finds Jett already there. Cleopatra’s wearing a veil and Autolycus assumes she’s really Xena, but it turns out she’s not. Jett is ready to kill her when Joxer shows up to stop him. Jett decks him, but Xena shows up and kicks Jett’s ass. Pontius and his men chase Gabi into the chamber and start a big fight. Gabi and Autolycus fight the guards while Xena duels Pontius. Pontius tries to kill Joxer, but Jett kills Pontius instead (saying nobody hurts his brother but him). Cleopatra thanks them all and invites Xena and Gabi to visit Egypt sometime. Jett will go to prison (since there’s no capital punishment in this region) and says goodbye to Joxer, who thinks everyone will respect him more now … but proves to be the same old goofball.

This isn’t really one of my favourites (it’s only #109 on my all-time list), mostly because I don’t like how Gabi is depicted. She’s shoved into the background and used as comedy relief, which was fine for early first season but Gabi’s not the same character she was then. When Xena’s away, Gabi should move up into her place and be the hero, not a bumbling wannabe. I get that this is kinda Joxer’s episode and maybe thy wanted someone else to be the comedy relief instead of him (although he’s still pretty goofy), but Gabi really doesn’t come off well here. Even Pontius dismisses her, assuming she’s Jett’s sex slave. It seems like she’s trying to fill Xena’s place but can’t get anything right, like maybe she’s trying too hard and overthinking things. It would’ve made more sense for her to just let Cleopatra know about the assassination attempt, but it seems like she’s trying to do things the way Xena would instead of doing the sensible thing. That makes her look stupid and Gabi isn’t stupid, she’s smart. She did ferret out Pontius as the inside man, but that was by accident. She does get a cool fight near the end where she ends up knocking two guys into Cleopatra’s bathtub. In a couple of episodes we’ll see Gabi get to shine while Xena’s away and that’s what I would’ve liked to see here.

Autolycus is his usual self here, rakish and smart-mouthed. He gets a lot of sarcastic lines and makes out with Cleopatra, who’s quite impressed with him. The scene where they’re negotiating the alliance is literally just one double entendre after another. I can’t help wondering if they actually banged or not. Autolycus does show his softer side when he covers for Gabi with Xena, so Gabi won’t look stupid for not warning Cleopatra. Ted and Bruce work really well together, playing off each other in a perfect double-act. There’s a great scene where Joxer is mimicking Autolycus’s every move and the two actors get the timing just right.But this is really Joxer’s episode and we learn a bit more about him, the main thing being that his identical brother Jett is an assassin. Joxer is his usual bumbling self here, but we also see some of his sweet side, as he doesn’t want his brother to be executed no matter how badly Jett has treated him. He also warns Jett to leave Gabi alone, but Jett actually seems rather impressed with her (especially after she mistakes Jett for Joxer and tells him he’s worth a thousand of his brother). Of course, we get some classic scenes of Gabi slapping Joxer around, but at the end Jett tells Joxer to “hang onto that little blonde” because she’s pretty smart. The ironic thing is that Joxer feels like the black sheep of the family because he’s not a remorseless killer like his brother, but he’s actually the best of the bunch … something Jett also realizes in the end.

Noticeable Things:

• Joxer and Jett have another brother (Jace), but they don’t talk about him (because he’s gay; we’ll meet Jace in the fifth season).
• Joxer wears underwear with smiley faces on it.
• When Cleopatra invites Xena and Gabi to Egypt, promising them a big reception, there’s a strange vibe going on, almost like she’s hitting on Xena. Xena must find it strange too because she turns and exchanges a weird look with Gabi. (Or maybe it’s Lucy and Renee breaking character.)

Favourite Quotes:

• “I have been grabbed more times than the Golden Fleece.” Gabi giving Joxer shit for making her wait three hours for him in a tavern full of drunken, horny half-wits.
• “King Gregor was killed by a baby?” Joxer misunderstanding Gabi’s reference to Cradle of Hope.
• “Depends on the fool.” Joxer’s reply to Gabi’s statement that no plan is foolproof.
• “Bro, if you saw evil you’d have to change your pants.” Jett’s reaction when Joxer tells him he fights evil alongside Xena now.
• “Don’t let anyone tell you who you are or who you could be.” Jett’s parting advice to Joxer.